“We have a family member who is in a same-sex relationship, and they will be at our next family function. How do we talk to our young children about this in a way that is loving and truthful?”
That is a common question many parents are asking today.
We live in a culture where homosexuality has increasingly been viewed as normal, especially since the 2015 Obergefell Supreme Court decision. Public opinion has shifted dramatically, and Christians now find themselves navigating how to live faithfully in a world that does not share our moral framework for human sexuality. At the same time, our children are constantly learning about and being confronted with cultural messages about sex and identity.
So how do we have meaningful and productive conversations with our children about what we believe in a culture that does not share our convictions?
Be Convinced Yourself
Before we engage our children in conversations about homosexuality, we must be clear about what we personally believe and what Scripture teaches.
First, we need to be convinced that God designed sexuality. Scripture teaches that God created humanity as male and female in his own image and that sexuality is meant to be enjoyed within the covenant of marriage between one man and one woman. Any sexual expression outside of that design is a deviation from God’s created order—it is sin.
Leviticus 20 is helpful here. The chapter moves in concentric circles, highlighting deviations from God’s design for sexuality. It begins with adultery (v. 10), then moves to sexual relationships within prohibited family boundaries (vv. 11, 12), then to homosexuality (v. 13), then to polygamous unions (v. 14), and finally to bestiality (vv. 15–16).
The point is clear: the further sexuality moves away from God’s design, the more distorted and destructive it becomes.
Second, we also need to be clear in our own minds that we, too, are sexual sinners. We must know what Scripture teaches, but we must also acknowledge that we have sinned sexually and fallen short of the glory of God. This produces humility—not only confidence in the truth, but a deep awareness of our need for God’s grace to forgive and transform us.
For a child, this may need to be explained more carefully. Jesus reminds us that all sexual sin begins in the heart, and because of that, a child does not need to be in a same sex relationship to understand sexual sin. Every human heart is corrupted by the fall, and that disorder shows up in our desires, thoughts, and behaviors, whether heterosexual or homosexual.
Too often within Christian circles, homosexuality is treated as the worst imaginable sin. This can create the impression that God saves straight people and condemns gay people. That is not the gospel. No one is saved because they are straight. The only people who inherit the kingdom of God are those saved by grace alone, through faith alone, in Christ alone.
This distinction matters, especially in an apologetics context. If our children come to believe that sexual sin is primarily “what other people do,” they will either grow self-righteous or quietly despair.
It also reminds us that Jesus alone had a perfect sexuality. He never deviated from God’s design in body, mind, desires, or will. By God’s grace, we are saved—and by that same grace, all sexual sinners can be saved and transformed by the power of the gospel.
Reminding ourselves of this gives us the humility needed to enter into important conversations with our children.
Four Ways to Talk With Your Children
Once we are clear about the truth of Scripture and grounded in humility, we can begin engaging our children wisely.
First, be the first to talk to your children about sexuality. There is an old saying that the first person to talk to a child about sex becomes the authority. If a child’s first exposure to sexual ethics comes from outside the home—and contradicts Scripture—that message must later be dismantled and challenged. If parents are the first to speak, they can establish a biblical reference point.
Second, catechize your children. Children need more than isolated answers about sexuality. They need a comprehensive understanding of God’s truth—creation, fall, redemption, and consummation. They need to know God’s law, the gospel, the importance of the church, and the hope of eternal life. A well-rounded biblical worldview will help children make sense of specific moral issues.
Intentional catechesis provides a stable framework that can shape their thinking for the rest of their lives. Helpful resources many families use include the Heidelberg Catechism, the Westminster Shorter Catechism, and the New City Catechism.
Third, be honest with your children. We must tell our children the truth: sexual sin exists, and homosexuality is a form of sexual sin. Catechesis alone is not enough if we are unwilling to be clear.
This honesty will require telling our children that our beliefs are not widely shared and that others may disagree with—or even dislike—us because of them. It may also mean helping our children understand what it is like to be a moral minority and how Christians are called to remain faithful even when facing opposition.
Fourth, teach them the hope of redemption. Our children also need to know that Jesus redeems sinners. He came not to call the righteous, but sinners. All of us—by what we have done and by what we have left undone—need redemption.
That includes our sexuality.
Those who experience same-sex attraction, as well as those in same-sex relationships, can be saved by Jesus. Their sins can be forgiven. They can experience repentance that leads to life. They can be transformed into the likeness of Christ and receive eternal life through his death and resurrection. This hope should motivate us—and our children—to love others and share the gospel faithfully.
Pray for Your Children
Finally, we must pray.
We should pray for clarity in a culture of confusion, for truth in a culture of falsehood, and for our children’s hearts to be shaped by God rather than by the world. We should pray that God protects them from the evil one and uses them as lights in a culture that desperately needs the hope of Christ.
Our children are living amid the consequences of cultural decisions they did not make. May God, in his mercy, preserve them and use them for his glory.
