Have you ever told coworkers not to call you after work unless it is an emergency? Or have you turned down an opportunity to do something or go somewhere because it would take away time with your family? When you draw such lines in your relationships and responsibilities, these lines are called boundaries.
But are boundaries biblical? The answer to that question is largely governed by how we draw the lines and where we draw the lines. If a social media influencer tells us to avoid all “toxic” people in order to be happy, we should naturally be skeptical. As Christians, we understand that our goal is to glorify God, whether it makes us happy or not (1 Cor. 10:31). And Christ calls us to not only love the lovable, but to love our enemies (Matt. 5:33). Do not cast your siblings aside because they disagree with you about politics!
Boundaries In The New Testament
We see examples of Jesus drawing boundaries the right way and for the right reasons (though he wouldn’t have called them boundaries!). When Jesus was instructing his disciples, his mother and brothers came and asked to speak to him outside (Matt. 12:46–49). He refuses. Is this an instance of Jesus failing to honor his father and mother? No. He told his disciples that his true family are those who do the will of his Father in heaven. As a result, there is a limit upon what his family can require of him.
Jesus also instructed his disciples to draw boundaries as they went forth to share the gospel. If “worthy” people receive his disciples, they should stay with them. If others refuse to receive his disciples, they should shake off their feet and leave them behind (Matt. 10:11–14). Although not the main point of this passage, it does show us an example of a boundary.
Later in the life of Paul, the apostle and his dear friend, Barnabas, scored a win for the purity of the Gospel and the unity of the church at the Council of Jerusalem (Acts 15). Soon afterward, they had a sharp disagreement about who they should take on their missionary journey and part ways!
At another point, Paul rebukes Peter for drawing his lines in the wrong places and for the wrong reasons (Gal. 2:11–14). Peter sided with religious hypocrites over and against his own Gentile brethren in the Lord. Bad boundaries must be acknowledged and corrected.
Boundaries Need Wisdom
Friends, some boundaries are obvious, but many are not. It is biblical for a Christian to have sex with their spouse—and not with any other. That is explicit (Ex. 20:14). But how do you balance the competing demands of your immediate family, your church family, your coworkers, your community, the strangers in your midst and even your enemies? Those boundaries require wisdom.
Boundaries often require us to acknowledge our limits—what we can reasonably accommodate as finite humans. Remember this: You can’t be Jesus—you need Jesus.
This will help you in establishing healthy, godly boundaries. In the body of Christ, Jesus alone is the head. You are simply a part—one of many. What responsibilities and relationships uniquely belong to you? Which ones can be shared with the broader church? What is drawing you closer to Christ and what is seeking to draw you away?
There is collective wisdom within the people of God. If you are not sure about how you should draw boundaries or where they fall, test your thinking with brothers and sisters in the Lord. The Lord has given us both his Word and his Spirit to guide us through the murky situations of a fallen world. Trust him to give you the wisdom you need and the humility and repentance to acknowledge when you’re wrong.
