If you’re at all like me, you can get so busy with life that you forget to take inventory of things. I get swept up in the activities of my day-to-day and I can forget to ask questions like, “How am I really doing?,” “Are my actions consistent with my values?,” “Wait, did I remember to eat lunch today?” And, if you’re like me, frustratingly long stretches of time can pass where you have hardly a godward thought.
But there are moments—awful and unbidden—where our sense of guilt and shame bubble up to the surface precisely at the same time that we remember the Lord. And, so often doubt begins to creep in. Maybe you wonder, “Why don’t I feel saved?,” “Am I repenting enough?," "Does God still love me?”
Drowning in the Depths of Doubt
The pastors and theologians who assembled at the Westminster Assembly in the 17th century recognized that doubt was a common problem and deserved careful pastoral attention. Chapter 18.4 of the Westminster Confession of Faith summarizes the ways in which assurance can elude so many of God’s people, including:
…by falling into some special sin, which woundeth the conscience, and grieveth the Spirit; by some sudden or vehement temptation; by God’s withdrawing the light of his countenance, and suffering even such as fear him to walk in darkness and to have no light…
In other words, “true believers” of all degrees of spiritual health and maturity can struggle with assurance. There are many reasons why a Christian can struggle, whether from repeated sins or intense temptations. Or we might, like Job, feel as if God has inexplicably hidden his face from us in our darkness and suffering.
Doubt isn’t just for weak Christians. Scripture presents us with a view of sin that touches every aspect of our being—even our most righteous deeds are as filthy rags in God’s sight (Is. 64:6; Rom. 3:19). Even our best works are tinged by imperfection and mixed motives. Hold God’s law in one hand, a magnifying glass in the other, and take a good hard look at your heart. What are you left with? But this is precisely the problem. Turned inward, we only find more of our sinful selves. No amount of scrupulous, diligent, inward digging will unearth anything that passes the test of God’s “holy enough”—not of ourselves; not even for the strictest, most diligent, repenting Christian. By the help of the Spirit, repent you must. But you cannot repent enough to merit God’s love.
We tend to become drawn inward upon ourselves as Christians and forget what we knew when we heard the Gospel and first believed: we forget that Christ lived the perfect life we couldn’t and took the punishment, shame, and alienation which we deserve in our place (Jn. 3:16). We forget the Gospel. We forget, as Rod Rosendblat remarked, that “Christ died for the sins of Christians too.”
Your Righteousness Stands Before the Face of God
John Bunyan, the famous author of Pilgrim’s Progress, struggled with the terrors of his own conscience. He reflects in Grace Abounding to the Chief of Sinners that there was a particular time in his life when he felt the shame of his sin and the uncertainty of God’s love for him. That was, at least, until he remembered this simple reality: “my Righteousness stands before the face of God.” There is a simple truth which Paul remembers in Romans 8:1, upon which rests his declaration that there is therefore no condemnation for those who are in Christ Jesus: Christ Jesus stands in the presence of God as your righteousness. He stands there for you. Remember, Christian, that your life from start to finish rests upon the finished work of Christ. Christ hasn’t merely merited enough to get you up to the point of your conversion, leaving the rest of life up to your best efforts. He has merited your righteous standing before God in total. No matter the sins of your past, present, or future, Christ’s righteousness has been given to you as a gift. The whole of your being is blameless and holy in the omnipresent, omniscient, omnipotent gaze of the Lord of hosts. Your shame is gone. He sees only Christ and his perfect holiness. There is no condemnation precisely because there is nothing condemnable in Jesus.
In Christ, you can no sooner lose God’s love and acceptance than Jesus can. No matter how real the feelings of doubt and uncertainty seem, Christ’s person and finished work are realer still. Remember, as Robert Murray M’Cheyne said, “for every look at yourself, take ten looks at Christ.” Whether clear or dimmed by tears, look to your savior with the eyes of faith and see in him your perfect acceptance in God’s sight.
