Our lives are filled with opportunities for celebration. Popular holidays, such as Christmas or Thanksgiving, are great occasions to celebrate—others are less well-known. One of these holidays is Birth Mother’s Day. Birth Mother’s Day is a precious opportunity for Christians to rejoice in the visible articulation of the gospel in adoption and encourage care for the grieving.
What is Birth Mother’s Day?
Birth Mother’s Day is celebrated the day before Mother’s Day, and seeks to honor, support, and show solidarity with the thousands of women who have courageously made adoption decisions. First celebrated in 1990, Birth Mother’s Day remembers the loving sacrifice birth mothers make and educates people about the impact of adoption. Birth Mother’s Day cultivates community among birth mothers, while helping adoptive families express their appreciation for a birth mother’s loving sacrifice.
Why is Adoption Important in the Life of the Church?
Earthly adoption is a tangible image of believers’ adoption in Christ. According to Romans 8:15–16, we “have received the Spirit of adoption as sons.” Our spiritual adoption is not by our choice or actions, but because “he predestined us for adoption to himself as sons through Jesus Christ” (Eph. 1:5). Earthly adoption mirrors our spiritual adoption: adopted children do not choose to be placed for adoption, nor do they choose their adoptive families. God, in his sovereignty, guides each birth mother to place their child in a family he has already chosen. So, too, we are chosen by God “before the foundation of the world, that we should be holy and blameless before him” (Eph. 1:4).
Through earthly adoption, believers obey God’s command to “visit orphans and widows in their affliction” (James 1:27) and reflect God’s heart of justice and protection for the vulnerable. Psalm 68:5 explains, “Father of the fatherless and protector of widows is God in his holy habitation.” Similarly, Psalm 82:3 instructs, “Give justice to the weak and fatherless; maintain the right of the afflicted and the destitute.” Orphans were and are among the most vulnerable in society. Christians should be committed to care for these children, whether as adoptive parents or financially supporting an adoption. Because earthly adoption mirrors spiritual adoption, the church should be diligent to obey God and model his heart for orphans.
Why Should Christians Celebrate Birth Mother’s Day?
Given the importance of adoption, the church should celebrate Birth Mother’s Day, as it encourages reflection on and empathy for the unique struggles and griefs birth mother’s encounter, broadening the church’s compassionate ministry to the grieving.
While ministering to birth mothers, the church should be aware of the unique struggles birth mothers encounter because of their adoption decision. These struggles are numerous, but include the lost opportunities to raise a child and see them grow and mature, to nurture the parental bond, and to be at the heart of a child’s life and future. The loss of not witnessing one’s child grow up is seen in Scripture as Moses’ mother, in order to save his life, places him in a basket on the Nile River, where he is discovered and, eventually, raised by Pharaoh’s daughter (Ex. 2:1–10). The decision to choose others to raise your child is painful, as a birth mother sacrifices her position as a parent and bestows it on another. Caring for and celebrating birth mothers looks different in each situation, but here’s a few ideas for practical care and celebration that you, your family or church can implement:
Listen Patiently
Many birth mothers need a safe place to reflect on, lament, and grieve their adoption decision. Birth mothers may know their decision benefits their child and the adoptive family, and yet grieve the loss over their lifetime. Allow them to tell their story, ask thoughtful questions, and don’t pressure them to share more than they’re comfortable.
Validate Losses
As you listen to a birth mother’s experience, validate the losses she’s walked through. The loss a birth mother experiences is not just concentrated to the day of the child’s birth or placement, but occurs on a moment-by-moment, monthly and yearly basis as she misses the child’s upbringing and daily life. Instead of ignoring the birth mother’s grief and loss, or rushing to the silver lining, validate it.
Express Gratitude
Expressing gratitude is a key aspect of caring for and celebrating a birth mother, and this looks different depending on one’s relationship with the birth mother. For adoptive families, a written card of gratitude, printed photos of the child at events and activities, or letters from family about the child’s accomplishments, personality, or fun stories are great ways to express gratitude to a birth mother. For adoptive and non-adoptive families (and churches) alike, expressing gratitude to birth mother’s can come in the form of gifts like what you’d give on Mother’s Day, such as a Bible, devotional, book, gift cards, or other similar items.
Share the Gospel
Birth Mother’s Day is an opportunity to share the Gospel with birth mothers as they remember and grieve. Scripture promises that God is near to the grieving and brokenhearted (Ps. 34:18), including birth mothers! Similarly, God invites birth mothers to come to him with their burdens, as his heart is compassionate towards the grieving (Matt. 11:28–30). Birth Mother’s Day is an opportunity to invite birth mothers into a relationship with Christ, who welcomes them into his family with open arms as they grieve the absence of one of their own family members. As birth mother’s both grieve and celebrate, use this time to encourage them of the eternal hope and healing they can receive through Jesus Christ, which is foreshadowed in Revelation 21:4, “He will wipe away every tear from their eyes, and death shall be no more, neither shall there be mourning, nor crying, nor pain anymore, for the former things have passed away.” This Birth Mother’s Day, don’t neglect to share the comforting, hopeful promises of the Gospel with the birth mother’s in your midst.
As you celebrate Mother’s Day, make sure to celebrate Birth Mother’s Day, too. Birth mothers have made a costly sacrifice that they grieve over a lifetime. Take this opportunity to demonstrate the love of Christ as you provide a listening ear, validate losses, express gratitude, and share the Gospel, and in so doing, demonstrate the love of Christ.
