It’s been a hard year. My husband and I have faced three significant changes in our careers, a shift in family relationships, chronic illness, and major loss. As we walk this journey with our Savior, we’re making plans to celebrate the holidays differently than in the past. Embracing peace and making time for reflection and gratitude are now at the top of our holiday wish list.
Perhaps you, too, are facing overwhelming challenges, grieving a great loss, or recovering from a life change. In this state, we might face the holiday season with ambivalence toward celebration and its accompanying stressors (travel, food, expenses, and difficult people). How can we have a meaningful, gospel-centered, and emotionally safe holiday season?
Sacred holidays such as Christmas can infuse us with hope even under less-than-ideal circumstances. Jesus entered the world he created to bring us a peace we’ve never known (John 14:27)—peace with God (Rom. 5:1) that can now rule in our hearts (Col. 3:15). Christmas is another reminder to worship God as we were created to do (Isa. 43:7), including celebrating this gift of peace, Jesus himself (Eph. 2:14). This being our goal, we can make choices that orient our hearts and provide a better framework for a Christ-filled season. Here are three suggestions:
1. Focus on the Meaning
Celebration can be very good and healthy for our spirits when we keep the reason in mind, but there is danger in approaching the holidays without intentionality. It’s easy to get derailed in obligation and meaningless rituals and find ourselves further exhausted and discouraged.
So, how can we approach this season wisely amidst our grief and stress? Start with the incarnation. Immanuel. God with us. Jesus came to be with us! He promises to never leave us (Matt. 28:20). Even in the most difficult seasons of life, he is here, walking with us. We easily lose sight of this important truth when we’re bombarded by the chaos of lists, shopping, parties, and noise. Jesus has already prayed for our hearts in John 17:15, asking our heavenly Father to keep us from the evil one who sends confusion. Though our enemy will try to distract us, our awareness of Christ’s nearness keeps us focused on the fact that we are never alone.
Practically, consider using an Advent devotional (like this one) to help you regularly look to and reflect upon Christ, the one who became flesh and dwelt among us (John 1:14). His yoke is easy and his burden is light, and—even amidst the chaos of Christmas—he provides rest for your soul (Matt. 11:28–30). Additionally, don’t forsake gathering with God’s people in corporate worship throughout the season, even if you don’t feel like celebrating. Worshiping alongside God’s people who continue to wait for Christ’s second Advent will give language to your longings and receiving the means of grace will provide the nourishment you need.
2. Honor Your Limitations
There’s an interesting account of how Jesus set boundaries in John 7:2–10. Jesus’s half-brothers pressured him to go with them to the feast of tabernacles. He declined, deciding instead to go on his own terms and in his own time. He was not swayed by family or cultural expectations because he was secure in his personhood and purpose.
You, too, get to decide whether or how long you will attend an event. You and I are limited beings—we can’t be everywhere or do everything. Safe people show respect and honor by allowing you freedom to do what’s best for you, while toxic people demand your attention and time without regard to your personal needs. Only you can decide what’s best for you as you prayerfully depend on the Lord for wisdom. Determine in advance what you can do, and give yourself permission to say “no”. For example, if you anticipate an atmosphere of anxiety and pressure at an event, you may opt to not attend, or plan to leave early.
If you are in a season of grief, it’s especially important to know your limitations and prepare ahead. Some wise counsel I received was to give my host a tentative RSVP and tell them I may have to leave early. Managing your capacity includes making decisions on whether you will go (or participate), how long you will stay, and how much time you’ll spend with those present.
3. Take Care of Yourself
The Bible tells us to take care of our bodies because they house the Holy Spirit (1 Cor. 6:19–20). And God doesn’t despise our weakness; he is a compassionate Father who remembers we are dust (Ps. 103:13–14). Especially during the holiday season, we must steward our energy and attention. For me, this means taking walks and having solitude, getting rest, eating well, allowing myself to grieve as needed, and spending time in reflection and meditation.
Our lives change, and so do our needs. Traditions and rituals must transform according to new realities. As we are changed from one glory to another (2 Cor. 3:18) and more into the image of Christ, the way we celebrate reflects a deeper understanding of ourselves, our limitations, and our purpose in celebrating.
Comfort and Joy
Even if this season is a painful reminder of loss and change, it’s important to stay connected in a healthy way. Tap into the means of grace through meaningful worship and safe relationships. Be swept up in the awe and wonder of God’s gift to us—himself, Immanuel, the Prince of Peace!
