I’ve always thought that hot dogs are delicious, but when I was a kid, I hated eating the ends. They looked like belly buttons to me, and I thought they were disgusting. I would eat the whole thing except the last little stub, which I would leave on my plate. One day, this led to a big battle between me and my parents. They told me I could not eat another morsel of any other food until I finished off the hot dog. They were serious. But I was too. I dug in my heels and went on a hunger strike. Meanwhile, they made me carry the hot dog end around in a ziplock bag everywhere we went until I surrendered to eating it.
While we were driving somewhere as a family, my older brother got so sick of the power struggle that when my parents weren’t looking, he grabbed the bag out of my hands, threw it out of the van window, and declared, “Adam ate the rest of the hot dog!” It was a lie, but we all got what we wanted. I don’t remember how long I had carried it around, but I do know that if it weren’t for my brother, I might still have that gross frankfurter navel in my pocket today. Never surrender!
I’ve listened to many parents share their struggles with strong-willed children. It’s a very real predicament. When a child is stubborn and defiant, parents can feel helpless and frustrated. No one wants a foolishly belligerent child. You can give your kid some broccoli, but you can’t make him eat it. You can set up a playdate with friends, but you can’t force your child to share her toys. You can tell your teens what’s good for them, but you can’t force them to believe you.
Yet as much as many forms of obstinance are totally undesirable in a child, if we are raising kids the way God called us to, we actually want to foster and cultivate a resolute, holy stubbornness. We want to raise our kids to be defiant. Yes, we want rebellious children. We are trying our best to form strong-willed children. Stick with me.
As parents who follow Jesus, we are trying to develop a stubbornness in our kids when it comes to overcoming sin. In whatever ways the world is opposed to the things of God, we want our kids to choose God instead of the world. We want to raise children who are “blameless and innocent, children of God without blemish in the midst of a crooked and twisted generation, among whom you shine as lights in the world” (Phil. 2:15). Godly kids will stand out. They will stand rooted and firm even against the torrent of a world headed in the wrong direction. They will have to be headstrong and thick-skinned to follow Christ in a generation that does not love God. When the cultural current is strong, we want our children to be anchored to God’s word. We want our families to be daring and bold because our way of life is far from fashionable.
Admittedly, this is not a super popular way to parent. As a parent, then, if we want to lead our families in a godly way while living in a godless culture, we will have to be just as stubborn and unwavering as a strong-willed child. That is not easy for us. But God empowers us to swim upstream. We don’t have to let our kids date the way the world dates, use technology the way the world uses technology, or turn a blind eye to sin the way the world does.
Sometimes I hate sticking out. Worse than that, I hate being left out. But as much as I hate being humiliated or snubbed, I like those feelings for my kids even less. There have been times when making a different decision from other parents has been costly for my children. My kids have missed some social gatherings. They’ve missed some peer-to-peer communications. They’ve missed some inside jokes with their classmates. They have missed a lot, honestly. But I believe that because of those decisions we made as a family, they have gained much more than they missed.
We are not only protecting them but also fostering a readiness to feel different and strange in a world that is not our home. Here, the Griffins “have no lasting city, but we seek the city that is to come” (Heb. 13:14). There is a pattern and a purpose that this world has to offer, and it is not what I want for my family. In this world, we will face many obvious and subtle enemies of the cross. Paul says that “their end is destruction, their god is their belly, and they glory in their shame, with minds set on earthly things. But our citizenship is in heaven, and from it we await a Savior, the Lord Jesus Christ” (Phil. 3:19–20). In many ways, if my family follows Jesus, we will feel like foreigners in our own neighborhood. Our family walks a narrower way.
The pressure to conform as a parent can be overwhelming. What has become “normal” to do or to believe is not always godly. It takes a lot of self-control and discipline to continue to battle the accommodations that the culture demands and expects.
I don’t always like the feeling of being weird, but for the sake of Christ, I know that my family has been set apart from the world, and I wouldn’t have it any other way. I have grown to embrace it. My family is strange to some people. I am an unusual dad trying to raise uncommon kids. My family makes what others think are weird decisions to honor God with our choices and actions. For that, I will never be embarrassed or sorry.
I want to raise kids who are dogmatic and say that they are not of the world just as Jesus is not of the world (John 17:16) and that they are “not ashamed of the gospel” (Rom. 1:16). Jesus says that we cannot have more than one master (Matt. 6:24). We don’t have to do what the world wants. My God grows in us the discipline of self-control and frees us from the people-pleasing pressure to meet the expectations of someone who is not our master.
If we walk in step with the Spirit, he will lead us in being strong-willed children of God. We will not obey the desires of the flesh. Why would we return to that yoke of slavery?
Content taken from Good News for Parents by Adam Griffin, ©2025. Used by permission of Crossway, a publishing ministry of Good News Publishers.
