I was struck by something a few years ago when two male role models of mine died. As I sat with each of their grieving families, I heard their wives and children unanimously testify that their fathers loved Jesus in private as much as they did in public. This refrain was not rehearsed, but it played over and over again within every individual tune.
As an Army chaplain, I occasionally ask my soldiers to divide into corners based on their response to this question: “Do you like the way you were raised religiously?” It’s always fascinating because, again, certain refrains are common. Regardless of what religion they were raised in, soldiers answered positively if their parents’ faith was consistently practiced and modeled at home. They answered negatively if their parents were pious in public but never practiced or modeled their faith behind closed doors.
So what can we learn from these examples about how to model faithfulness in our own homes?
Make sure your faith is genuine.
In certain cultures, it is fashionable to play religion. You go to church every Sunday, raise your hands during the music, and tell everyone how blessed you are after the service. You might even volunteer in ministries helping the poor. Is this all just a performance? Are you spending time in the Bible and in prayer when you are alone? Do you feel convicted by your sin and comforted by God’s grace? Make sure you’re not just performing, but rather practicing a genuine faith in Jesus. He instructs us:
“And when you pray, you must not be like the hypocrites. For they love to stand and pray in the synagogues and at the street corners, that they may be seen by others. Truly, I say to you, they have received their reward. But when you pray, go into your room and shut the door and pray to your Father who is in secret. And your Father who sees in secret will reward you.” (Matt. 6:5–6)
Aim for consistency at home.
Your family shouldn’t see you hugging your fellow believers at church, only to make fun of them at home. James recognizes this as a real problem for believers: “From the same mouth come blessing and cursing. My brothers, these things ought not to be so” (James 3:10). Do your kids see you acting the same way in both places—both conveying a sincere love for the Lord? This is one of many reasons why we pray around the dinner table or sing hymns with the children before bed. These rhythms of grace are a discipline in consistency.
Be humble and repentant.
Many of my soldiers had parents whose faith conveniently excused their own sin while leaving their children in guilt and shame. Do you act like a fellow disciple of Jesus before your children, or do you exalt yourself in his place? “The sacrifices of God are a broken spirit; a broken and contrite heart, O God, you will not despise” (Ps. 51:17).
My wife is a great example of this to me—she is often quick to repent of her sin to our children and ask for their forgiveness (she would say it’s because she sins more). In the process, she has taught our children that we can be vulnerable and repentant before the Lord and each other.
Point your children to the faithfulness that truly matters.
Their earthly parents will fail—their father in Heaven will not (Ps. 27:10). Just as a father (should) have compassion upon his children, the Lord has compassion on those who fear him (Ps. 103:13). And no greater fatherly gift has ever been bestowed than the gift of God’s only begotten son, Jesus. We exemplify faithfulness, not by exalting our own faithfulness, but by delighting in his faithfulness.
Our kids don’t need superhero parents—they need a savior of sinners. We all do. And though we never know how God’s wise providence will ultimately unfold in the lives of our children, we should strive to leave them with this testimony: “For all their failures, my mom and dad loved Jesus as much at home as they did in public—because Jesus loved them.”
