I value the marriage vow to remain true “in sickness and in health” because I grew up in a home where this promise was lived out so distinctly. Before my parents were married, more than three decades ago, my mom was diagnosed with Primary Progressive Multiple Sclerosis. There was no telling how far her health would decline in the coming years.
Yet, even when this chronic illness took away my mother’s ability to walk, and then later her ability to independently eat, drink, urinate, or defecate, my father was not dismayed by the promise he had made with and to her. He has truly loved her in sickness and in health. As a child, and even more so as a married adult, I am amazed by his selflessness. I am in awe of the joy he proclaims in his caring for my mother. When he is woken up in the middle of the night to my mother’s request for help, he does not berate her, nor disdain the decision he made to marry her. In fact, he has consistently done the opposite—he loves her more dearly each day that they are married, proclaiming it to anyone who will listen. I believe that my parents are bound more closely together by these decades of sacrifice and suffering than dozens of years of health could have ever done.
There are countless marriages I could point to where the couples have lived out their promise to love one another amidst seasons of sickness—sometimes physical ailments, other times amidst waning memories, flares of mental health, or struggles for sobriety. None of these examples has ever seemed effortless. Yet these have been some of the greatest testimonies of Christ’s love lived out that I have ever seen.
What Does “In Sickness and In Health” Mean?
Scripture states that marriage is something to be honored and valued (Heb. 13:4). Yet we are also told that it will have its troubles (1 Cor. 7:28). When joining in marriage, we must be aware that passion alone will not sustain our union through times of tribulation, which most certainly will come.
Yet scripture is adamant that marriage is not merely a partnership nor an expression of romantic love, but that it is a covenant commitment (Matt. 19:6, Gen. 2:24, Eph. 5:21–33). That means that marriage is a binding contract in which each party assumes an obligation to the other.2 Marriage is a partnership between two equals who have unique gifts and callings within the marriage relationship.
A covenant relationship means that no amount of burden, nor hardship, nor trouble shall break the bond formed between a married couple—even in the form of severe illness. Under the weight of the Fall, all of creation—including marriage—is groaning from the pains of sin (Rom. 8:18–25). As a result of sin in our world, many will experience the sorrow of sickness and broken bodies. And while the marriage covenant will also at times bend and bow under the pressure of our sinful human nature, the Lord sustains this covenant between couples to love and care for one another in such a way that it may be a shelter from some of that sorrow.
The marvelous gift is that many couples who have long-suffered together will often tell you these seasons of suffering, when done unto God’s glory, have drawn them closer together in love and in faith (1 Peter 4:12–19).
How Christ Loves the Church
The greatest reason that we are called to love our spouses in sickness and in health, is that there is one far greater who has already done this for us. The Lord made a covenant with His people, the Israelites. He promised that He would keep His “covenant and steadfast love with those who love him and keep his commandments, to a thousand generations” (Deut. 7:9). Even in the Old Testament scriptures, this love was likened to the covenant of marriage (Isa. 62:5). This covenant promise was then extended to all peoples, in Christ’s death and resurrection—despite our persistent sinful brokenness (our sickness) (Rom. 5:8).
The apostle Paul reminds us that marriage continues to be a reflection of Christ’s love for the church (Eph. 5:32). When we have experienced Christ’s unending love for us—no matter our brokenness—then we, in turn, learn to love our spouses as Christ has loved the church (Eph. 5:25). Over and over in the Gospels, Christ called the broken and weary to himself (Matt. 11:28). He dined with those who were poor. He healed those who were physically and mentally unwell. He loved each of them unconditionally, as he does for us, the church, today.
When our marriages mimic the covenant relationship modeled by God’s steadfast love for the Israelites, and later for the church, then there is not only a commitment to love despite sickness, but also an overflowing joy in doing so.
How the Church Should Love the Church
Wedding vows of promised love in sickness and in health should also be a reminder to us as the church of how we should love our fellow believers. In the same way that Christ’s love for us overflows into our love for our spouses, so too it overflows in our love for our neighbors. The church should be the first place where those who have failing physical health, debilitating mental illness, and struggles with substance abuse should feel loved. New Testament scriptures call us to visit the sick (Matt. 25:36), to pray for them and call upon the elders of the church to meet with them (James 5:14), and to seek out the oppressed (James 1:27).
In a modern world where many marriages crumble under the weight of new passions or self-centered desires, let Christ’s church be the place where covenant love is fulfilled in sickness and in health. May our marriages within our congregations point to the love of our covenant-keeping God, and may the unconditional love between brothers and sisters in Christ bring us comfort as we await the marriage ceremony between Christ and his church (Rev. 21:1–4).
