The Face of Memory Loss
I watch the furrowed look on my grandmother’s face as she tries to recall the answer to my question—but it is not there. She knows the name of her childhood street and recalls the countless dinners she hosted as a pastor’s wife decades ago, but her memory fades as she struggles to recall the events of today.
As a primary care physician, many of my patients and their family members tell similar stories of cognitive decline. Dementia is a broad medical diagnosis that includes the chronic, global, non-reversible deterioration in memory, complex thinking and personality, frequently accompanied by changes to speech and movement as well. There are many forms of dementia, including Alzheimer’s, Vascular, and Lewy Body dementia, and this heartbreaking illness affects more than 6.7 million Americans and 55 million people worldwide.
With such a broad impact, most congregations have members struggling daily with this ordeal. The tragedy of this is that our society, and particularly our churches, strain to know the best way to care for these individuals and, even more so, how to accompany them in their spiritual walk. As the church, it can be difficult to know how best to love our brothers and sisters in Christ and disciple them in faith as they are being mentally and emotionally transformed by memory loss.
Why Are We So Afraid of Dementia?
Dementia is one of the most feared medical diagnoses. While no one desires physical decline, there is something within our cultural worldview that particularly fears cognitive and memory changes. This is largely attributable to the hypercognitive culture that we live in today where rational thinking, individualism, autonomy, cognitive ambition, and speed of thought are valued over most other attributes. When dementia alters these capacities—making us more dependent on others—we lose our value and identity in the world’s eyes.
Even within the church, particularly in Western culture where faith has become so heavily intellectualized, we are fearful of losing our understanding of what our faith is. We wonder what it means to “worship Jesus when you have forgotten who He is.” Our culture has tied cognitive ambitions so heavily to identity, that losing our memory and cognitive abilities can feel akin to losing our entire selves.
“Before” and “After” Christ; Not “Before” and “After” Dementia
Those with dementia are often identified by who they once were before cognitive changes took effect. While it is good to mourn the loss of who these individuals once were “before” dementia, when we lock into this mindset, it becomes much harder to continue to love and cherish them as they are now in their “after” dementia season. We must rejoice in who our loved ones are becoming in Christ even with cognitive changes—for the Lord is still working within them (Phil. 2:13)!
Sometimes, we become so caught up in the cognitive and personality changes caused by dementia that we forget that their true identity should still be maintained by their “before” and “after” in Christ. Even someone who has forgotten the day they were called to faith is still being made new in Christ (2 Cor. 5:17; Rom. 6:4). Thus, when we are caring for our brothers and sisters with memory changes, we need to joyously see their future in Christ and that he is making them new even now, rather than obsessing over who they once were.
The Unveiled Faces of Dementia
Christ does not stop transforming the hearts of those whose memories are fading. In fact, there are moments when God uses even dementia to transform his loved ones to be more like Christ.
And we all, with unveiled face, beholding the glory of the Lord, are being transformed into the same image from one degree of glory to another. For this comes from the Lord who is the Spirit.— 2 Corinthians 3:18
I have seen that, often, as memory fades, the old habits of serving, appreciating creation, loving others, and clinging to faithful practices grows stronger. Grandmother may offer to serve you food again and again. Dad may repeatedly find joy in a sunrise or starlings dancing against an evening sky. Mom may find peace in familiar hymns. Grandpa may continue to read the Scriptures aloud daily after dinner. Each of these small actions reflects how he or she has been becoming more Christ-like over their entire lifetime, now amplified in light of their memory loss. The faithful patterns that they were setting into place decades before are now coming to fruition.
Body memory takes over, not as a mere reflex, but as a meaningful, intentional action. After decades of the Holy Spirit working within our hearts, teaching us to worship the Lord, when the haze of cognitive capacity has been removed, all our hearts remember to do is praise. This is why you may have seen some members of your congregation who can barely hold a conversation sing their hearts out during a time of worship, or recite a piece of Scripture from memory when they cannot even recall their grocery list. The Holy Spirit’s work is being reflected from their unveiled face. Their hearts are remembering what the mind has forgotten.
How then Shall We Honor and Disciple Loved Ones with Dementia?
As the church, we should continue to hold those with dementia in high esteem as core members of our congregations. This means not only loving them, but continuing to disciple them and help them to progress and grow in faith. We should encourage them to join in times of worship and fellowship; to partake of the sacraments even when they may have forgotten their meaning; and to spend time in the Word, even when Scripture makes less sense than it did before.
We should take time to slow down and simply be with them. With cognitive decline comes the need to take longer to process life around us. We should learn to move at their pace, rather than our own. We should take moments to simply be still with them and rejoice in God’s promises (Ps.46:10). We should remind them that while they may forget, the Lord does not (Isa. 49:15). And most importantly, we should continue to learn from and be discipled by them.
This is what it means to be a church who loves and rejoices in the unveiled faces of dementia and to glorify God even as memory fades.
Footnotes
"Dementia Statistics” Alzheimer’s Disease International. https://www.alzint.org/about/dementia-facts-figures/dementia-statistics/#:~:text=Numbers%20of%20people%20with%20dementia,will%20be%20in%20developing%20countries.
2023 Alzheimer's disease facts and figures. Alzheimers Dement. 2023 Apr;19(4):1598-1695. doi: 10.1002/alz.13016. Epub 2023 Mar 14. PMID: 36918389.
Swinton, John. Becoming Friends of Time, Baylor University Press, 2016, pp. 13
Swinton, John. Becoming Friends of Time, Baylor University Press, 2016, pp 12
Swinton, John. Becoming Friends of Time, Baylor University Press, 2016, pp 152
